I normally wouldn't get home quite this late either, except I spent an hour and a half sleeping in the back of the company's van while it chilled in a Strip Club parking lot (Fitchburg's "The Other Side" for the connoisseurs amongst you).
08:40 pm - Konfusion I fell down an escalator today. Or that's what I'm told. Maybe I was pushed. I can't recall it happening, or anything from the past two months. I don't know how that giant bump came to form on my forehead for sure or where all these bruises came from except for the hazy account I'm given by disinterested strangers on their way to watch some Real Live Baseball(!). I'm also left wondering about the blisters and callouses and scratches all over my hands, feet, and arms. And I don't know where all my hair went.
Were the bags under my eyes this bad before? Because I don't remember them being like that. Did I always have this indent in my chest at the bottom of my sternum? I can't find anyone who can tell me something about anything. Did I always look like a holocaust survivor? From what I hear: yes. If Always is restricted to the past few years (and really it may as well be). I'm having trouble figuring all of this out.
I have an apartment. It isn't technically just mine, but it seems as though that fact is more of a formality than an actuality. Hopefully not for much longer. 'ts not bad, but it'd look a lot nicer if there weren't stacks of Free Newspapers everywhere, folded and turned to almost-completed crossword puzzles and sudokus. The splintered piles of empty water, Sobe, and juice bottles don't help matters. Neither do all the CD cases seemingly bound by some undocumented rule I don't understand that specifies I Don't Want to Walk Three Feet in Any Direction without Seeing At Least 7 of You. Still, the place has potential.
I've pieced together enough from scraps and unfinished sentences contained within way too many completely disorganized word documents and on crumpled receipts, newspapers, and napkins to have vague ideas of some things. But really last I knew I was at home, and I only hardly remember that. I can remember I was in Missouri, but I'm not 100% on why, exactly. When I think about it, I can't remember much of anything from the past year and a half. I think the weirdest part about it is that I don't find that all too bizarre and it doesn't really bother me much. Is that a side effect of this sort of thing? Or was I just Always like this.
There's no question that things are different than I remember them having been, though. Most drastically, I'm not broke. What the Hell? I've never had anywhere near this much money before. More important than that is I am Incredibly and Mind-Numbingly Boring. Maybe I sold my soul? Or, personality. Either/Or. Seems possible, since I can't remember anyway. I don't know how else I could have landed a full time gig earning 10 dollars an hour with Zero Experience, so that has to be it.
No one can tell me anything, though. Its a sad fact. I must have had contact with someone right? Maybe someone I can't remember, someone I met here. Maybe they'll call me or email me or meet me someplace I frequent (what places do I frequent?) and wonder Where have you been? Nothing yet, but I haven't given up hope. This is certain: I didnt talk to anyone I already knew during that time, because everybody seems even more out-of-the-know than I am. I didn't think that was possible: they haven't suddenly been afflicted with minor retrograde amnesia. But it doesn't matter because you can't forget what you never even knew. Thom Yorke knows what I'm talking about. I can't remember if I've thought that recently, but it seems likely that I have.
I've forgotten how to write, but working from the information I've gathered this was true long before the Escalator Incident. Still, it's disheartening.
Ick. There are parasites inside of me right now. I can feel them in my gut. I think I feel them. No- they're there. Definitely. I want to eat them. Do you want to eat them too? I think I want to share. They won't die in the mail if I cut a little bit of my Liver out with them. For sustenance. You can just throw that part out when it gets to you. Or eat it for desert.
If Rachel Watson's parents heard half of the things I said last night I can probably expect a formal "You are no longer welcome in this household" letter promptly.
Every time I've been to the Maine State Library since I've been back there are always school buses and giant piles of children everywhere. Just crawling all over the place, in and out. New buses, new kids.
This is my fourth or fifth trip here, I'm not sure, but today's crowd seems a lot older than usual. It's mostly been littler kids but it seems like Middle School/Junior High Day today. Which, it just makes it slightly weird coming and going is all, having to navigate amongst crowds of children. Especially when the adults are all "hmmm is this man going to try and steal one of these kids so he can molest them at a later date? Or maybe he'll molest them now? I'd better eye him suspiciously as he walks past". But mostly, you know, it's nothing.
Except that I was just using the bathroom and there's two urinals next to each other. No divider or anything. And so I was using one and then this guy comes in and stands at the one next to me. Except then I realize he's some kid and he's almost directly facing me while I stand there sword unsheathed, mid-stream. Classy.
Lo! It speaks! "thbldngsbghh" "huh?" "This museum is big huh?" "uh sure." FLUSH "ndthefcltyrhiohui" "Heh." Quickly wash hands and get out of there.
Kid, you don't talk to strangers. Especially in a public restroom and very much especially while you're probably staring at their most private of areas. Which, ok. He probably wasn't normal but it seems to me that anyone should know enough that you don't walk up to someone who's urinating and try to strike up a meaningless conversation. And that goes double for actually having the nerve (astounding lack of common sense?) to face them while doing so.
In summation: gross. But I guess it makes for an OK story. About as exciting as anything else that's happened lately. That probably isn't true. OK. I'm gonna get going.
12:32 pm - I Don’t Love You Anymorse For the record, God Maine is boring. Also, the trailer I sorta of live in? The other inhabitants, sometimes I fear they are legitimately crazy. You don't even know. Maybe I'll elaborate sometime. It's a possibility?
In other news, that already awesome-sounding Against Me! show would sound a lot more awesome if it were a week or so later than it is. Because, man? How'my gonna get to Boston by tomorrow night. Exactly. I'll probably live though.
10:08 pm - A water bed? I want to spend the day at a beach. I want to go to a carnival and have it start raining in the middle. But not too hard. I want to be able to wash my clothes. Everything I want involves water. Wait, I also want to sleep on a real bed for once. That pretty much covers it.
08:11 pm - Todays Post Here. Here's a tip. Some of my recent entries were for some reason private. They aren't now. If you have an inactive friends page due to lack of any friends, then you'll see them. If it's overactive because you have no friends and compensate by adding a bunch of strangers on the internet, you probably won't see them there. But if you look at my journal there they will be. I walked here in the rain. Now my shoes are soaked through. Thanks for your time.
(Here is a dead deer I walked by on the way here.)
Current Music: Nothing related to Ed Banger Records, I can tell you that
08:20 pm - The Missouri Chronicles I guess the deal is I'm not allowed to come home until 8 people ask me to.
In related news, today Tess randomly walked up to me as i sat on the couch and hugged me. Then she told me "im going to miss you." I'd told her the other day that I'm going to be leaving soon but I didn't really think she understood. Sometimes I forget she's smart.
05:51 pm - Volume 4 No new arrivals today. Well, not in kitten form at least. Though, conjunctivitis was cool enough to swing by for a visit so that's awesome. Which, it hasn't gotten to me yet but every time Tess shoves her hand in my face while I'm sleeping or strokes my 2 weeks-worth of facial hair or pretends to be a cat rubs her cheeks against mine then that's less and less likely to remain true. And then add on top of it Shae's constant hugs and it just seems inevitable.
Uhm. Here's a picture of me because I don't feel like posting one of pink eye. And I think I'm supposed to be putting a picture here or something. I don't know.
04:40 pm - Volume 3: 2 Cutes Kitten. for the record, its (her?) name is Teetee. Or Titi. Maybe T. T. I'm not sure on the spelling. Tea Tea? A combination? I know how the name sounds though. Anyway, Tess named it. She always talks about this imaginary invisible cat randomly and goes "Teetee there you are! I thought I lost you" or something like that. Lisa says "heytessnamethecat" and so taht's what she picked. Anyway, someone must have accidentally splashed water on it or something when I wasn't there yesterday because when I returned home with my exciting purchases from a day on the town, there was this:
It’s been threatening to rain all day. Im glad it didn’t because that’s a 2.5 mile walk or something and I don't have any rain-friendly clothing on me. Sky's pretty ominous.
Gotta fly.
Current Music: gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is
And apparently goodbye dog. Which, I'm not shedding any tears about that one.
It's cuter in person probably. And somehow it has really blue eyes, which struck me. Of course it's a lot less cute when it wakes you up several times over the course of the night with its sharp sharp claws but you know.
Also notable was that yesterday the Dan Cooley sent me a friend request on Facebook. Which is bizarre and hilarious. I don't know that anyone here really knows who Dan Cooley is, save for Julia (*and a giant HO), but really.
I hear it's been raining and raining for daizendaze all across the country. Where I am, where I was, and most of in between. Enough to get the job done. It's sunny now but all that rain washed away the scent, leaving me directionless. There's no telling when I'll finally find my way back. For I am a rain dog.
Current Mood: 420 DUDEZ Current Music: clik clak clikkk
10:49 pm - It's a Helluva Town Today I watched as the man I'd been waiting at the bus stop with was chased into the busy street for his money by some kid brandishing an aluminum baseball bat. In broad daylight. I guess my point is I know a city who needs to stop playing so much Grand Theft Auto. Springield.
Anyway if I end up slain or hospitalized or whatever, don't worry about it too much. But if you could please mail me 'get well' cards or something that would be cool. Or if it's the former, flowers are fine. Hey I wonder if they'll send me back on a Greyhound. Put on some sunglasses and just do it up, Weekend at Bernie's style!
I should really finalize my Facebook contingency plan though.
04:12 pm - Mind to paper. electronic paper I do this thing. Well I do a lot of things. But right now we’re focusing on this one in particular and if you want to talk about those others some other time then OK but just pay attention. Right, ok. So I do this thing, I guess, where say I’ve been livin it up in some exotic location or something and maybe I do lots of weird and interesting things that might be interesting and probably wouldn’t bore people and they could have an idea of what I’ve been up to. PLUS be interested and not bored. Though I said that. Just reiterating. Whatever. Well I guess instead of saying interesting things I just don’t feel like it and write boring dumb half-baked not-thought-out-completely-or-much-at-all things that popped into my head on the bus or something. Whatever. Partially I just prefer to strip life down to the dumb boring circuit boards and wash away all the make-up from ladies’s faces and scratch the new coat of paint off your car, but I think I just get bored keeping these things in my mind and/or on my computer. And oddly enough, for all my iconoclastic, tear-things-down tendencies I’m also something of a perfectionist. I know it clashes and could be considered “hypocritical” but I’m basically a giant paradox and I’m not sure I ever claimed otherwise. To the contrary, I probably champion it. But those now-old stories about… well I’m not going to spoil them even though I probably won’t ever get around to telling them and most likely they aren’t even all THAT interesting anyway. Those stories. When I write them, I don’t tend to finish and polish and do everything else. I just spout fragments and skeletal structure and then when I go back to maybe complete it I forget what the flesh even looked like and it doesn’t feel right. So I’m left with this skeleton that I guess maybe I could talk about how it is a skeleton and its context with the present and how that links to the past instead of pretending it’s something current. But though it’s more accurate it doesn’t make for as good material I think. It misses the magic. And then even if it was puffed and fleshed and filled when it was fresh it’s rotted so much by the time I get a chance to put it on display that I just don’t feel like doing it. Or maybe it’s just anachronistic or doesn’t relate or just feels weird. No one else would know the difference, but I would. But it might also be that I just prefer to ignore those things and instead talk about the sandwich I ate earlier that tasted sort of like a sandwich I’d eaten a month before that time I was thinking about the color blue and why we react to it the way we do and that on second thought people probably react to it in strikingly dissimilar ways sometimes and why might that be? I guess I just don't care much for the bigger picture. If there were a nuclear holocaust and the world was ablaze with fire and absolute rubblewreckage and screaming children and adults and super-adults and looting and riots and little babies crycrycrying and I walked into you on the street amidst the mayhem I probably wouldn’t yell about OH MY GOD THIS IS CHAOS IT IS SO CRAZY WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE VERY LIKELY but I might ask Have you heard that new Modest Mouse album I haven’t gotten around to it yet and do you think it’s any good? or maybe I might ask if you’d like to make out some because the sky sure is an interesting color and I wonder what it’d be like to make out under such a strange sky. And it’s a little on the warmish side so we might shed some of our clothes, or most of them, but probably not all if you’re ok with that? And though we’d know we were probably going to die I’d really rather spend my last moments not thinking about that sort of thing and so we’d lay in the scorched grass and kiss until the world ends and maybe we might succeed in forgetting about the ash covered landscape and all the smoke in our lungs for a few seconds here and there if we were both doing a good job of not being lousy at it, though I mean I am out of practice so please forgive me if it takes a few minutes for me to hit my stride, supposing we have that long. And maybe we’d last days just laying there kissing because any moment the world could end and if we got impatient and stood up and maybe went to find some food that’s probably when it would happen so we’ll lay there and kiss and kiss and maybe starve but at least then we’d die on our own terms anyway and maybe we’d be preserved for future survivors who were willing to take the gamble that they could maybe live though they’d probably die, and they could rebuild society and begin the cycle again. And some day when they’d gotten comfortable and began to branch out they’d explore all the sites of death and decay and tragedy and find us lying there, preserved by the slowly falling ash or some kind of reverse-radiation or maybe by chemicals from the plant that exploded over there. And our bodies or skeletons or whatever’s left would just be lying there while we kissed for eternity. And then the survivors could smile and forget about the pile of dead babies ten feet behind them for a couple of minutes.
Best St Patrick’s Breakfast: Lucky Charms. Or green beer. Actual St Patrick's Day Breakfast: Rice Chex, ice cream sandwich. Best St Patrick’s Day Music: Against Me’s Acoustic EP in your headphones on the bus three times over. (Don’t listen to anyone who says Dropkick Murphys for they are a tool. The Pogues are acceptable however.) Either that or green beer. Actual St. Patrick's Day Music: The same (minus the beer. Menos la Cerveza?) Best St. Patrick's Day Movie: Boondock Saints. Or green beer? Actual St. Patrick's Day Movie: probably nothing
Best St. Patrick's Day Plans: That show in Orono sounds fun. Green beer. Actual St. Patrick's Day Plans: Probably seeing the Cassettes or the Castanets, I haven’t decided. Not drinking green beer. Or I might just sit at home. **
Best St Patrick's Day Level of Health: Mint Actual St Patrick's Day Level of health: recovering from mysterious illnesses
Best St. Patrick's Day Weather: Not shitty Actual St Patrick's Day Weather: Shitty
Most boring way to spend your St Patricks Day: Dumb livejournal entries
**wait, that's not even today. Oh well. I could see coffee house singer songwriters or any number of bad bands, but the home thing is looking more and more likely. Mostly because it's a bitch to try and get back afterwards and it's I doubt it'd be worth it.
Except I don’t plan on drinking though I will certainly be offered, not being a huge fan of the pastime myself. Though I will admit that if I do ever drink it will probably be a beer. MAYBE 2. And that’s very rare, just if I’m in the mood for it. Or maybe I want to get to sleep. So that's something about me for you, sometimes I have a small amount of kind of alcohol sometimes. That sounds so gross to say and hear because my associations with alcohol are so terrible that I just see icky grey deplorableness. And I don't know how to convey that I = nothing to do with any of that. Like I said, casual whatever. I should erase this whole thing because it just isn't worth it.
04:51 pm - We can go to My Sister's If We Say We'll Watch the Baby(s) I never get to post my actual real exciting entries here. Holy crap is Library Sunday ridiculous. Worse than usual even, which is... I mean, the usual is "pay a dollar to use the computer an hour" but on Sundays that one bus I never take anyway doesnt even come here because it's only open for four hours and then all these people are like I NEED TO CHECK MY MYSPACE SO NO YOU CANT USE A COMPUTER and it is INTENSE. (And also, magic cell phone capabilites are limited, as is the times I can use it.)
So what I mean to say is, keep an eye out on Tuesday. Maybe? I hope. Because these are starting to build up my friend. I also have comments I need to respond to. Damn.
I think the point of this is supposed to be I just don't have enough time to do all the things I need/want to. And some people misconsctrue this as intentional neglect I fear. They are wrong. Current Music: Crooked Rain into Fox Confessor (it's not a short walk)
03:40 am - Sssh, they forgot the magic phone out here 've been bombarded with constant tornado warnings since this evening. MISSOURI Current Mood: Soon to be bummed Current Music: (when it doesnt come)
06:13 pm - I don`t have much time but I think it`s pretty ridiculous that there are people who don`t know this so I`ve been in Missouri for over a week now and it`ll be at least a few more before I come back (I`m also typing this on a phone so...) Anyway, now you know. There might could be more to come at some point in the future if I get the chance Hopefully the voice post hotline will actually start working instead of not doing so for almost 2 weeks now (I mean what`s up with that?) So if you didn`t know before, blame those bastards
11:57 am I guess I don't usually write here just to say I'm content and that's a shame. Maybe it seems boring or maybe it's because when I have computertime it works out so that I'm not. Anyway I'm pretty great right now so I figured why not write it? I mean I don’t want to give the idea I’m always miserable all of the time. Life.
Thank you for all the digital gifts. They were lovely and inspired and great. Almost as good as Amy’s Etch a Sketch except of course that that is tangible (yet still nearly equaled by the Reapa Steve). Or Aimee’s loaf of bread. Or Aimee’s… marriage ceremony I couldn’t go to a few weeks ago? That kind of bummed me. I don’t want to be bummed today. Why do I know more than one Aimee? Seems like it should be uncommon. I don’t think I know any Ashleys (save for my cuzzz) or Jessicas. But I know more than one Aimee. Huh. I also know a lot of Rae/Rachels. But they’re all stupid and don’t even deserve mention. But they also don’t deserve the effort it would take to hit backspace and delete their mention so I’ll just keep it there.
Anyway just thanks for all the digital love in all its forms. Or, well, any love in general. If you’ve ever sat there and thought cozy warmth in my direction or even just to yourself but on my behalf then thank you.. I appreciate it even if I don’t seem to.
Man I haven’t used the internet in a while. I’m a lot like a caveman. A very attractive and relatively well-groomed one though. Strong like one, but that’s a given. Man, I need to learn to sleep. But mostly I need to learn to be less attractive. It just isn't fair. I feel like I'm going through life with a corked bat and it's hard, you know? Because it just feels like, you can't feel as proud because obviously so much of the good that you have is a direct result of your stunning and inescapable beauty instead of your other brilliant qualities. But then you, the reader, probably wouldn't understand this dilemma so I'll save it for the weekly congregation of the Beautes. I just keep adding weird babbly stuff, which, and the use of the word babbly really probably got this across just fine, is really very insignificant and just wastes space. Nice.
oh yeah digital gifts. I'd actually written specific like replies for some long ago but I can't remember them. Except for to Amelia and that being something along the lines of "can one of the lumps be cancer instead?" which I suppose is terrible but I misplaced my tact long ago. As several people who were here tonight can and would probably bemusedly, but wholeheartedly, agree with. Can you wholeheartedly be bemused with something? No yeah it works. I think.
Anyway. Thanks. If it wasn't for people I don't know what I'd do. Hopefully I wont not see so many people so much and this last week will just be a fluke. Maybe that trip to Auburn? Cept I dont think that lady ever called me back like she'd said. Or well maybe, and just no one answered. Or whoever did didnt tell me (it's my favorite when that happens).
Out of the tens of entries I could have posted I thought this was best to start the new year. Because, as some of those soon-to-be-neglected seeds mentioned, that's something that actually sort of means something this year. In my mind I mean. For the first time in a long time. So, uh, cheers and let's hope this turns out swell by golly gee. It's just symbolic but so often my mind just needs something that simple to free it. Plus I love benchmarks. Love love love. Hence my confounding enjoyment gleaned during lawn-mowing or snow shovelling beyond even just the natural beauty of it. Past the order and the crisp geometry. There's just that clear tangible progress. Undeniable. That, my friends, is beauty. Another year, another row of shortened, neat and perfect grass.
This was short but I keep adding to it. One day. One day...
08:02 pm I feel a lot more complete/comfortable and less restless/lost now that I have my stuff back. But also, my family is clearly crazy and thinks that anything that was visible in my room I'd meant to bring, instead of the stuff in just that corner. I wish I would have realized this before the car drove away because why do I need shitty magazines or all those CDs or a cardboard box or my old roommate's towels etc etc? Though, the leather jacket is damn sweet so no complaining there.
But I was thinking. Something that simple shouldn't make me feel that much less homeless but somehow it does. And I think I mean that in the more kind of mental state homeless? Like how the other day I realized the place where I feel most at home is on a public bus since it's really the only place I consistently am (well that and a specific basement. And then in third place is a certain dorm room). Though I am conventionally homeless as well. Or is the opposite of that and I just have too many homes (though really, timeshares at best)? Ok, I've got it. I'm homeless but not houseless. More evidence that I'm the main thing holding me back. Anyway, I'm making progress. Current Mood: not too shabby
Intangible babies become less so when you see very dark almost invisible video of them since people seem curious about all that stuff. Here you can see that at least one of them does exist and I am not a liar.
1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? I don’t uh have a phone. If I did, anyone but the police I guess. My sister? But while the babies aren’t sleeping 2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? I make a game of it. The game is called but the cart in the cart corale. It’s not that exciting I guess. 3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? I suppose I’d have to say talker wouldn’t I? For some reason I generally can’t help it even if I try. More than anything, though, it depends on how comfortable I am. 4. Do you take compliments well? Whenever anyone makes any kind of observation, positive or negative, I just say thank you. But really the answer to this question depends on factors. Like, do you mean outwardly or inwardly? Inwardly I almost never believe or accept them. I'm usually corteous enough. 5. Are you an active person? You could say that, in a way... except basically by what you most likely mean with physical exercise then not really just a lot of walking 6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Well I’d be able to go a while without food. I think I could fare better than most since I’d be perfectly adapted and conditioned for this, excepting of course that I have very little wilderness survival skills. But theoretically, foodless, peopleless, shelterless, I could do very well becuase it isn't so much a stretch for me to be truthfull. But not for forever. I'd end up eating something poisonous at some point. 7. Do you like to ride horses? Am I gay? (for the record no) 8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Boy scout camp. So, well I guess that could potentially help with the 6th question right? Especially since we had to spend an Evening on the Ground but really I mean night. In shelters we built. That had ants crawling all over them 9. What was your favorite game as a kid? Nintendo, I don’t know. I almost made a tragic joke here since I love those so much. Tragic jokes not Nintendos. The kind of thing where I claim to have never been hugged or kissed as a baby and Julia asks "oh no really" and then I say something like, well they kissed me with their fists. That wasn't the exact wording but it's very close and it shouldn't amuse me but it does. So I was going to answer something along those lines here as favorite game. I'm not in the mood for examples. and Tragic jokes is something you just need to be in the mood for 10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you get involved with him/her? What the fuck? I mean, this wouldn’t even ever be an issue anyway. “If the river outside your house turned to chocolate would you drink it?” And like anyone would honestly answer yes if they did indeed feel that way. But seriously what the fuck? But really I can't understand anyone's mindset in this scenario. Like I "understand" but I don't understand 11. Are you judgmental? How the Hell should I know? That’s such a retarded word, because everyone makes judgements about things. I guess they mean with whatever connotations that word has now? Even so, I still don’t really know. I’d like to think not very 12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Unless their belief was like, “anyone I date has to cut off their penis” or something I don’t see what the big deal is. The question is could they date someone as increasingly apathetic as myself 13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? I would be oblivious to any pursuit and I’m too thick-headed to know if they’re even responding if I did pursue so I tend to just uh not involve myself with that at all? Sad I guess. But complacent I guess since I’m a man I’m expected to do the active pursuit thing, but fuck that shit. I guess it isn’t a question of “would I like to” but realistically I would have to be the pursued one 14. Can you speak another language? My grasp of Spanish is fading hard. I can remember a lot of the vocabulary if I dig a little, but conjugation fails me. A little, enough to get by but not fluent. It’s been yeeerz 15. If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind? I love music but being blind would just be too scary. And I already watch television with closed captioning anyway so Anyone who answers “blind” is silly 16. What's your favorite food? Bread actually 17. Do you know how to shoot a gun? I’ve shot bb guns when I was 7 and then rifles in the boy scouts. Plus I’ve seen a lot of action films. But I guess the answer could just have been “well I have merit badges saying I can” 18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? Are there babies? I guess I would throw my cd rack through the window and then jump after it. Except I would throw everything I own out the window because even though I don’t care about any of it I have some weird attachment to it all. I Would have answered computer but basically anything on a computer that I want to save has already been taken in one of three instances so I’m just left with from August to now and that’s not really worth that much to me. I think I'm answering this question too literally since really what it's asking is "which of your belongings means the most to you" but whatever 19. How often do you read books? Usually it’s hard for me to concentrate. I have to be able to be in the right mindset which is rare. So maybe once every three months, but during the times I can read I tend to read 2 books every three days. And one of those is usually a Vonnegut (when I say once every three months that once denotes a period of reading, not a single book) 20. Do you think more about the past, present or future? I guess I try not to think about any stuff like that. The answer is most certainly not the future. I guess the past but even giving an answer here is a little misleading 21. What is your favorite children's book? Curdory comes to mind but I know there’s something I like even better 22. What color are your eyes? I don’t know 23. How tall are you? At least five feet 24. Where is your dream house located? It may be years until the day my dreams will match up with my pay. I guess a beach? On a little road barely on the map? Just as long as it isn’t in a public park really then I’m ok. If it’s got a roof 25. Last person you talked to on the phone? So long ago... WAIT. Raechelbaecheliron of course 26. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? I remember when the days were long and the nights when the living room was on the lawn. Which is to say not since I was like way young even though I really wanted to a few years ago but they only had the Raven-ass sketch ones or distorty ones or distorty sketch ones and I wanted classic 27. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? Who the fuck cares? It’s the Olive Garden. Most overrated. But to answer the question I guess... I don’t know it was within the past four months and it was with Dad and trollgnome. But 95% of restaurant visits are 28. What are your keys on your key chain for? I have a key in my wallet I guess but I’ve never had a keychain. It’s for my front door at home because they lock it ALL THE TIME now even when people are home and it isn’t nighttime. Really annoying. I’m not sure what sparked the paranoia but basically my family is crazy 29. What's your favorite color? I don’t know I guess I have a positive reaction to the color blue when I see it. All my clothing is brown 30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today? Well so far the library. Soon, town. Like any day 31. Where is your current pain at? Wait what? My stomach I guess but weird question 32. Do you like mustard? Gross. It kind of works on a Wendy’s burger I guess 33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Are you making fun of me? 34. Do you look like your mom or dad? Wait what the fuck. Is this like “do you like either of your parents” or “who do you like more?” Who writes this shit. I like them both. They both have pluses and minuses like anybody. These surveys are so Raven But ok, for the record regardless of what Darek Wheeldon tells you, I don't hate my family. It would be more accurate to say they hate me. (ps I dont consider that guy to be family in any capacity except that he lives in our house and wastes funds) ***** 35. How long does it take you in the shower? It can take from 5 minutes (rare) to a half hour I guess (less rare). Usually like 12 minutes really. I like to stand under the water and just think. Sometimes I even sit down. I often almost fall asleep. I think of “genius” things even oftener and then spend the rest of my shower trying to come up with mnemonic devices to remember all of it 36. Can you do splits? I have genitals there. Too crass? (That’s right, I use the word crass. Want to fight about it) 37. What movie do you want to see right now? I’m pretty content. Like in the theaters? I saw the one I wanted to but I haven’t seen Borat. But my interest in things tends to have a negative correlation to the amount of hype surrounding it. Well, once the hype reaches a certain point. I don’t really know how to fix this but that’s how my mind works. So I wouldn’t mind seeing Borat but I was more excited about it when I saw the previews initially and everyone was like “that looks stupid.” Oh please someone won’t you fix me? I guess if you mean any movie. I still haven’t seen Little Miss Sunshine and I’ll probably buy it when it comes out if I have money just because if so many people say it’s so great then basically it has to be. Can I amend that and add a qualifier to the generic use of “people” and say like “an overwhelming number of people with esteemable opinions” because if I remember correctly a lot of people like that Hinder band so popularity doesn’t necessarily indicate quality. (I’ve been on an anti-Hinder kick lately. I’d say “sorry” before that except that I’m most certainly not) In other news my brain is starting to maybe work sometimes and that’s actually pretty exciting. I need to read and write more because somehow that helps. Oh and actually I'm also interested in Casino Royale to be honest. I don't know if that sounds lame. Wait, it's not lame it's fuckin manly. 38. Do you put lotion on your dog or cats? Is this a reference to masturbation? In any case, nos across the board ("How often do you walk your dog? HUH?" .... "USUALLY IN THE MORNING WITH KATIE COURIC") that was for two ladies who I dont think read this. 39. What did you do for New Year's? Not get kissed 40. Do you think The Grudge was scary? I haven’t seen it but I cant imagine that it is. Fuck the Grudge. 41. What was the cause of your last accident? what the hell are you talking about? Like accidentally touching bresssts or? If I were to answer this for real, assuming it just means general accidents the answer would have to be empty-headedness 42. Do you own a camera phone? I don’t have a phone. You don’t pay attention do you 43. What are you drinking? 44. Was your mom a cheerleader? What the fuck are you talking about? I think she drove into a building once is that the same thing 45. What's the last letter of your middle name? Who cares 46. Who did you vote for on American Idol? When you assume… you sound like an idiot. Why am I doing this survey? I only ever even watched American Idol with the Roomates Poulin 47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? I’d have to average it over a period of 9 days because it is very sporadic. 48. Do you like Care Bears? No seriously what are you talking about 49. What do you buy at the movies? Seriously. The fuck? First of all I basically NEVER buy anything at the movies, not even a ticket. Way too poor. Again, 95% of the time my dad will buy it, and 4% of the time this other kid will. 50. Do you know how to play poker? I’ve seen a lot of celebrity Poker Showdown. Dave Foley. 51. Do you wear your seatbelt? Not on the bus since But yeah. I’m not retarded.** It doesn’t feel right without it 52. What do you wear to sleep? Whatever I wore to wake 53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? What do you consider my home town? I don’t really have one. I guess most of my stuff is in Windsor and has been for the past 5 years almost. That’s a crude estimate. There is a fair there every once and a while. I like how Dwheelden put it. 54. How many meals do you eat a day? Define meal? 55. Is your tongue pierced? 56. Do you always read MySpace bulletins? Yes. Always. God, survey writer I hate you. I have learned you value Olive Garden, American Idol, Myspace, Last letters of middle names, parental favortisim, care bears, cheerleading moms, and food and sleep. Actually you sound weird enough that I’d make out with you. what? 57. Do you have pets? well theres a dog at my house if that’s what you mean. 58. Do you like funny or serious people better? because obviously everything is that black or white. (haha, I mean and. Most inappropriate typo ever) no seriously survey person I hate you. Probably still make out with you though. Except that youre probably 12 I'm realizing since, so uh nevermind 59. Ever been to LA? I’ve never been out of New England excepting Canada. I’m planning on this to change. Well, as close to planning as I do which is to say, I have an urge 60. Did you eat a cookie today? I’m shaking my head in case you can’t see. Not in a respectful or cute “no” way but in a “god you are retarded go away I am so sick of this and clearly you are 8 years old now. Cookies?” That kind of head shake 61. Do you use cuss words in other languages? Lady I need to stop using them in English. I just realized that I assumed a girl wrote this, I hope I’m not wrong. Thing is when I just said lady it was just expressionally but it made me think of what I’d written up there and then I realized I made an assumption without realizing. Snap. I still stick with f over m. At the very least gay m. 62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? It makes zero sense to me to pay for a download. No sense. CDS, absolutely. A download you get a barely tangible computer file, and computer files aren’t even very secure and it just doesn’t make sense 63. Do you hate chocolate? mostly indifference 64. What do you and your parents fight about the most? I don’t know the answer to this. It’s way more complicated than all that. Goddamn 11 year old survey writing girls 65. Is your cell usually on vibrate or ring? Again 66. Are you a gullible person? By nature probably. And sometimes I forget to put my shields up 67. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? It must be pretty obvious that I do. I mean, come on 68. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be? It doesn’t seem to matter since I am clearly UNHIRABLE. But honestly? Something involving writing or some form of entertainment ideally. Maybe I could learn to be funny and do something with that? But really, something creative. I want to be a paper back writer. That can be for Jefferery Blakk if he wants. I probably had someone else in mind though 69. Are you easy to get along with? This is the kind of question you have to ask other people about me unless you write “do you think” in front of that, and I think most anyone would say yes (if you ask them this question) so I don’t dare say. Maybe I’m more off-putting than I think. But like everyone else I’d like to think so. To the, your question. Not the off-putting 70. What is your favorite time of day?N/A
That’s the last question? I don’t want to leave off with that it sounds so depressing. On a lighter note I guess I should point out, for those whose eyes are more bat than eagle, that I have adopted using Raven as an insult. Yes as in that's so raven. It's mostly to try and wean myself off ever calling something "gay" since all past efforts are very clearly failures. So just as a key or legend or whatever, that's generally the context it'd be used in. In the same capacity as you'd call something gay in a derogatory way. Because using gay that way is so raven
***** LOLOLOLOLOLOL I need to take my time reading things since I always misread them I am clearly not that retarded. Ever. No way. Except that obviously I am. How did I not see the word "look" So crazy 10 year old I'll give you that, sorry for being so hard on you but you're still way retarded And to answer the question, well I'll address it some other time like I was going to So I guess that means "maybe" because do I ever do anything I plan to?
And it is a safe bet that there are no typos I just use language in a bastardizing unconventional and Raven way. Raven can also substitute "retarded" which I also hate saying but almost comes out anyway. It probably works better with that word actually since you can realize after starting to say it and still pull it off ** FAILURE. Clearly I meant "I'm not raven"
Shit, this was private again. I always do that. PUBLICIZE! ps I cant believe I went out like this. I should actually, uh, you know. Not keep forgetting to not leave my stuff in Aimee's room. Because then I don't shower or change or be able to brush my teeth or anything like that since I was home Sunday. Gross man. But uh, a big thanks to her for storing it while I run around busy, confused, and ultimately accomplishing nothing
Change the last answer to Amy Chadbourne, who for some reason hadn't been previously mentioned in the entry that references everyone and everything (sometimes just very obscurely/muddily/blurrily. And sometimes only in my mind) [and I know I way overused "Raven" but I'm trying to drive it into my brain and I find just going all out wham is the best way to do that because it makes it seem more second nature and natural and I get used to it faster and this sentence is falling apart. Yikes. The text is bigger I realize. Whatever.]
Instead of just publicizing it actually I just copied the whole thing into a new post so it wouldnt get lost on friends pages. For people with very active ones. Not that it matters I guess but this entry took more than a half hour so I felt compelled. And I never like that to be a possible excuse for not seeing an entry.
05:11 pm For the record, I can rarely ever use AIM and when I can it's generally AIM express which sucks hardcore you dont even know, even if you think you do. Plus everyone's default is always away even when they arent but then they leave it like that 24/7 even if they are gone or sleeping and I cant read what the actual message says so I tend not to bother trying to message people if they have the yellow because are they there or sleeping? Point is, everyone always uses AIM to do everything, but it doesnt really work for me.
So let's say you have something exciting going on and think "maybe we should invite tony probably. Oh he isnt online never mind" if you just emailed me at my anthonymorse@gmail that would be really cool because I'm very likely to see it not long after, depending on where I am. Still it's your best bet. Like 87% success rate within the hour. And half the time immediate. Right, ok.
Thank You.
:I (eating?)
This is spurred by the pitiful amount of socializing I have done this week.
03:00 am - Frozen Salisbury Steak I guess I tend not to use Livejournal the way it's supposed to be used. But then that could be a good thing, I don't know. What is the typical way to use it? There are different interpretations of that. I know people take offense because they apparently feel like I'm talking about them when I say this but I don't know that I see the point of a livejournal that's SOLELY kind of woe-is-me stuff. I can see how that's cathartic and helps and it just... for some reason getting out there just makes it feel better. But reading them is usually kind of sad and when it becomes day after day after day of it you just become desensitized to it in a way. Usually I feel gross about writing those kinds of entries because I feel like, who wants to listen to me essentially complain? Exactly. I guess I just feel guilty about expressing myself to begin with. I like that this is verging on the border of hypocritical. [edit type thing: And I PROMISE that if you're reading this from your friends page I am NOT talking about you. So please don't think I am or that I'd even think that about you. People might anyway, they always seem to. But don't. (Unless Darek Wheeldon is reading this, in which case yes I mean you)]
I just got very sidetracked. ("what else is new?") Yeah, good joke. Jerk. Ok. So I guess what I was saying is I don't use this like it's meant or even how I mean to use it, since most of the things I intend to post here, as I've said again and again ("and again and again and again and again") just, for some reason or another, don't end up here. Point is, right now I mainly mean... like using it as a way to keep people informed of the basic events of my life. Like the important ones. And so, right. Ok. Well right now I'm in Orono, and all of this is really uncertain but I'll almost certainly be up here until Thanksgiving and then I'll probably come back after that. Unless by then no one will hire me still. I guess I've only turned in one application so far and I should really work on that, but it's really a torturous process for me. plus I have no idea what I'm doing. What am I doing with my life? Basically I'm a bum. I guess that should bother me more than it does
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